Admission One - I almost titled this post "Here's What You Missed On Glee" because that's all my mind has been preoccupied with this summer. You can probably guess what's playing in the background as I sit in my living room finally updating my blog after an accidental 14 month hiatus. Admission Two - I'd be lying if I said the thought of dipping my toe back into the bloggersphere didn't scare the absolute shit out of me. Its not like my absence was anything to do with my feelings towards the industry - I've kept up to date with my faves, witnessed every drama and development, and watched so many people make the jump to a full-time blogging career. The truth is, life just got in the way. I've been completely consumed by reality and lost my creative outlet. And now I'm going to get it back. Today, I want to talk to you all about what I've been up to and what's been happening with me!
JUMPER - PRIMARK
JEANS - PRIMARK
SOCKS - HAPPY SOCKS X ANDY WARHOL
2019 has been kicking my ass, literally and figuratively. But let's start with the positives, that's what 'creativity and positivity' is all about!
If you're a returning reader or follower you may notice that my living room is a looking a little different! So far this year I've moved not once, but twice, and I'm currently in Belfast with my best friend. After my partner and I moved out of our seaside apartment, we moved back into our old student house with our friends. But the living situation wasn't the best for me mentally, or our relationship. I was working nine hour shifts almost every day, inbetween attending classes for my master's degree and trying to keep up with my family, my social life and looking after myself. It became impossible to juggle and began to take a serious toll on my mental and physical health. After Christmas, I slowly started to spend more time at home and in Belfast, and less time with my partner. After almost eight years together, we broke up and I moved back home. We're still friends, after spending most of our lives thus far together, it would be impossible to cut ties completely. In June I moved in with my best friend, and I've been seeing someone new. In that respect, everything is on the up and I couldn't be happier.
I've also just finished my master's degree, which without exaggeration, was the most stressful, draining and exhausting experience of my life. I went into it with open eyes, ready to expand on everything I had learned in my undergrad degree. What I received however, was an experience that's left me feeling so disillusioned with academia, that as of right now, I have no idea if I want to return for a PhD or not. I lost all motivation, lost all confidence and faith in my work, and by the end of writing my thesis, I didn't care how good it was or even if everything made sense - I just wanted it to be over. After handing it in on Monday, I felt such a sense of relief and impending existential dread. What the fuck do I do with my life now?
Mentally, I feel like I've regressed back to that horrible place I was in before I started my blog the first time around. Being able to share my writing, my thoughts and develop a sense of who I am, worked miracles for my self-esteem, my confidence and my sense of self. When I had to stop to focus on other things, I lost that creative outlet completely. My inspiration left my body and I felt nothing by apathy towards every aspect of my life. With the culmination of reality hitting me like a truck, and losing a lot of my identity over the last year or so, my mental health has really taken a steep decline. There's been so many days where I've struggled to get out of bed, get dressed and pretend as though everything is okay. Slowly, I've started to pick myself back up off the ground. It's been a struggle, but I hope I'll get there.
Physically, I've undergone some changes too. I've been vegan for about six months, and I'm loving exploring all of the new places and meals that I had been too afraid to branch into. In less positive news, my back condition has been also kicking my ass hard which has probably contributed to my poor mental health more than anything else overall. Regarding that, there's not a lot I can do except rest, grin and bear it, and that's why I'm so excited to get back to blogging again.
Creativity and Positivity is coming back to life! I'm going back to my regular posting schedule and in the next few weeks, I'll be giving everything a bit of a revamp. I'll be keeping my usual style of posts - fashion, lifestyle and personal, with a little more of who I am now. They'll be lots of ethical posts on sustainable living, cruelty free beauty and some vegan cooking posts too. I'm so excited to get back to something that brought me so much happiness, so many wonderful opportunities and I hope you'll all stick around too.
Thanks for reading,
Lots of love always,
- September 18, 2019
- 1 Comments
