REFLECTION AND THE FUTURE
August 16, 2015Good evening everyone, I hope you're all well! Again, I apologise for my lack of posting but this week was a huge week for me and that's what I want to focus this post on. It will be huge big text describing my thoughts and feelings towards this past year and the future. I hope you will all stick with me!
This time last year I had just received my AS exam results and I was still in shock. Despite knowing that I hadn't done enough, I thought I might be okay. I've never really been someone to study hard for exams and I was told a lot as a kid that I was "naturally intelligent" and that I was good at a lot of things. As a result, I never really developed any study habits and "revision" wasn't a word that had totally made itself into my vocabulary. Sure I did bits and pieces here and there but I never really worked hard for exams or in school in general. Most of my homeworks were late and because I spent a lot of time off for illness and never caught up on what I had missed.
So I sat my exams and once they were over I spent the vast majority of the summer nights laying awake knowing how badly I had done without needing to even open that brown envelope to look at my results. Yet, this time last year that is exactly what I had to do and when I looked at those letters my heart dropped. I received CDDE and had to meet with my Head of Year and the Vice Principal, both of whom told me that my hopes of going to university to study English with Creative Writing were unrealistic and that I would be lucky to get many university offers at all.
Needless to say I was devastated, but in a twisted way, grateful. It was the kick up that arse that I needed and I vowed to work hard and make my last year of high school worth it. I tried my hardest in lessons and as I was going to be resitting my exams I took extra classes in the subjects I hadn't done well in. With a lot of support from my teachers and friends, my grades started to rise, my work improved and slowly but surely the uni offers came pouring in until I was offered places by all five of the universities I had applied to. I was over the moon and made my firm and insurance choices just before I was due to sit my exams. I spent a lot of my time between March and May in my room revising for my proper A2 exams and AS resists. I don't have much of a social life as it is and the life I did have was put on hold to focus on myself and my future.
The difference between this summer and last was enormous. This summer I spent very little time thinking about or stressing myself out over exams, after all I had just spent the last nine months stressing about them and working towards doing them. Although I haven't really done much as a whole this summer, I've generally felt at peace with myself and my mind and only in the few days before my results came out did my anxiety begin to reappear. But I need not have.
I got my results on Thursday and went from CDD to BBC, jumping at least a grade in every subject and getting accepted into my second choice university to study English. My first choice is still reviewing my application and I have been told that my chances are very slim of getting in, but I remain hopeful, just like I was last year. Regardless of their decision I am still going to be heading off to university, coming one step closer to my ultimate dream of becoming an English teacher. I couldn't be more proud of myself in knowing that I overcame my biggest hurdle- my lack of belief in myself.
So, you're probably wondering what the whole moral of this is. And to put it as simply and cliche as possible, I want to say that hard work does pay off and it is never too late to believe in yourself. Life doesn't always go how we want it to sometimes and we don't always get what we hope for. But I looked towards the future and knew deep down that I had the potential to succeed when others thought I couldn't. I have spent the last year working as hard as I can to the best of my ability and although what I have achieved might not be as great as what others have, that doesn't matter because I am proud of myself and I can say "I did it."
I want to let you all know that I believe in you, no matter what other people say and that you CAN do it. By working as hard as you can and always looking to the future you are capable of anything and can achieve many great things. I am looking forward to seeing what the future has in store for myself and I can't wait to see what it has in store for you all too and I hope we can continue on this big journey of life together. I am proud of all of you no matter what and I know that you can all do whatever you set your minds to.
Lots of love and positivity, Rachel xx
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