I told myself (and all of you lovely lot) that this year I would branch out into the world of fashion blogging. Fashion has always been a passion of mine, from watching every fashion-related competition show available, to hoarding magazines filled with beautiful photos of clothes I would never be able to afford even if I landed a starring role in an American style sitcom about my painfully average life. However, my own self-doubt and lack of confidence in my appearance, and my insistence on comparing everything I do to my blogging peers has left me feeling stuck in a rut when it comes to deciding whether or not to pursue this love of all things trendy.
When I'm not at home home, my boyfriend usually takes my outfit pictures, much to his dismay. After reading Holly's tips on how to train your boyfriend into taking absolutely banging pictures of you and sharing them with my partner, I set off for this shoot feeling fairly confident in how I looked. I love this outfit, I thought my make-up looked just right, and as we snapped away my boyfriend seemed to be having a really great time. The elements may not have been on our side, (and I constantly curse the wind that interrupts our shoots, but hey, that's what you sign up for when you agree to move to a flat beside the sea!) but we communicated well and got a number of what I thought to be absolutely wonderful shots that would definitely help me up my game as a wannabe fashion blogger.
Fast-forward to a couple of days later when I finally found the time to edit the photos in question. As I flicked through the numerous photos from that day, my heart started to sink and I instantly felt my self-esteem plummet. How on earth was I going to edit these pictures to make myself look good? Most of them were slightly blurry, compared to the clear, crisp quality expected of a fashion shoot and in those that weren't I hated everything about my appearance. I looked short, my clothes looked oversized and frumpy, my face looked chubby and plump, and every way I stood looked posed, contrived and embarrassing. I felt boring, bleh and ordinary. Even my brother, aka my usual photographer messaged me to say my photos looked like "absolute guff." "Tell Daniel he's fired."
I then reminded myself of one of my favourite posts by Katy, where she very candidly chats about her own insecurities as a fashion blogger, and that's something that I can relate to in spades. I'm not conventionally pretty enough to feel confident in my ability to influence people on why they absolutely should buy a certain product that will definitely be in style for the foreseeable future. But that's also not the point of fashion blogging. I always stated that I originally intended for "creativity and positivity" to be a place where I could freely share my personal style with others without second-guessing whether or not those who read my posts would actually like what I was wearing. As long as I liked it, who the hell cares? I'm not the same as everyone else, and I certainly don't find myself buying into every trend I come across, and I do buy into some that others would probably find hideous. And that's okay, because as Katy says; "when you are creating something, contributing something, sharing a piece of yourself; that is entirely unique to you."
After reading Katy's post, I had an epiphany. More often than not I read posts about self-love and acceptance that revolve around the same statement - "Comparison is the thief of joy." And most of the time, I find myself inwardly cringing at statements such as those, not just because I hear them repeated all over social media to the point where I can recite them backwards in my sleep, but because I'm in denial about how much those words apply to my own perception of myself. As I looked more and more at the pictures I'm including in this post, I convinced myself that they were good enough, that I was good enough, blurriness, chubby cheeks and all. Those qualities are what make me unique to my fellow bloggers, even if at times I feel like the most ordinary person alive.
HAT - NEW LOOK // COAT - DV8 // JUMPER - NEW LOOK // JEANS - PRIMARK // SHOES - PRIMARK (sold out but link is similar)
I am painfully ordinary, and I have to learn to accept that my ordinariness is what makes me unique. I need to stop buying into this image I create for myself as some influential blogging deity whose world revolves around what she wears and how she looks and presents herself because that's just not who I am. I am ordinary. I write this post not wearing the outfit above, but wearing an oversized fleecy pyjama top with a penguin-shaped hood that my boyfriend bought for me for Christmas, with my hair, which I haven't dyed in almost six months due to sheer laziness, in a giant bun which would make Cindy-Lou Who envious. I'm never going to win any style awards, and my boyfriend certainly isn't going to win any photography awards any time soon - but that's okay. I put a lot of work into my blog, my writing and my original content which means there's only room for improvement. One day maybe I'll take photos that are so great they rival the most spectacular of bloggers. But for now, I'm happy to accept my ordinariness with a resolution to improve on my self-esteem, self-love and self-acceptance.
Have you ever compared yourself to your fellow bloggers? What are your tips for accepting your insecurities and those qualities which make you unique? I'd love to hear them!
Thank you for reading,
Until next time!
Rachel x
- January 23, 2018
- 8 Comments
