As a child, I used to listen in awe at the stories my parents told me about all the wonderful adventures and achievements they experienced in their twenties. From travelling all over the world with their friends at 21, to climbing up the career ladder at 23, to buying their own house, getting married at 25 and having an adorable bundle of joy popped on their doorstep by the stork (moi, obviously). All their life boxes were ticked off by the time my mother was 26 and my dad was 30. I used to daydream and fantasise about following in their footsteps (minus the separation by their early thirties) and exploring the endless possibilities that lie in wait in our realm of existence.
Yet here I sit, writing to you. A 21 year-old in her last semester of university, wrapped up in a blanket with three pairs of fluffy socks on as she can't afford to flick the heating on for an hour. When I think about what potentially lies in wait as I progress through my twenties, I start to feel sick with anxiety and dread. Five years ago, I had my career / life plan pretty much set in stone, and now I don't have a clue what I want to do with my life. With increasing pressure on young people to succeed, whilst simultaneously facing universal criticism for not succeeding as quickly as the generations before us (if I read an article about "snowflake millennials" one more time,) I began to wonder why it is exactly that this decade of our lives in which we should be out enjoying everything life has to offer us, has become a time filled with fear, change and anxiety about the future. And I know I'm not the only one wondering this.
My baby brother turns 17 this month, and asides from constantly dealing with my growing horror at how quickly it appears he's ageing, he's dealing with the same issues that myself and most of us dealt with at that age. He comes home with a mountain of work every night, running himself ragged as he tries to finish it until he inevitably crashes into bed to hopefully grab a few hours sleep before heading to school the next day. Its an image I am all too familiar with, and even at 21 I'm still experiencing the same struggles and pressures that I dealt with during my time in high school. He has the added pressure of constantly thinking about what he can do to get into university while also being unsure of whether or not he actually wants to go to university, and what he wants to do at university. Yet, he still trundles along because that's what society expects him to do.
You see it in the news every day, and we're bombarded with headlines ranting and raving about how too many people are applying to go to university, getting top grades (because apparently it's "too easy" to do well nowadays) then dropping out because they've realised it's just not for them. My question is, why do we still encourage children to follow the path of social expectations, and then chastise them when they want to follow something different? Why does society frown on young people who want to enjoy themselves, and then slam them as they get older and find themselves struggling?
I'm only in my early twenties, and already my life is vastly different to how I imagined it would be. In addition to this, where I am right now greatly differs from where my parents were at this stage in their lives. Rather than go on nights out with friends, or book spontaneous trips away with my partner, I feel pressured to spend every spare moment I have studying and doing anything I can to ensure that I will graduate in July, despite now being unsure of what I want to do. And that uncertainty scares the shit out of me. Pressures from my family, online and society are constantly in the back of my mind, and although my rational self knows I shouldn't listen to them, its hard not to when everyday we're bombarded with headlines about how useless we are as a generation and how we wouldn't know what hard work looks like even if it came up and slapped us in the face.
No-one in my family, asides from my brother and cousins, truly understands what it's like to be a young person in modern society, but that certainly doesn't stop them from sticking their two cents in on any topic and every topic about my life. I get criticised for working too hard and not going out to enjoy myself enough, but then I get criticised when I do go out or take time off work to relax. They question every choice I make regarding my career - "what do you want to do with your life? You can't work in retail forever!", my degree - "Why are you studying xyz instead of abc?" and even my relationship, "When are you and Daniel going to get engaged?" "No, you're too young to get engaged." "Why don't you start saving for a house?" "No, you're too young, wait until house prices start to decrease again!"
As a generation, we simply can't win.
The reality of being a 20-something-year-old in 2018 is that many of us simply can't afford to stop thinking and start living, because we're then forced to make difficult decisions that we shouldn't have to. Can I really afford to book that holiday abroad when I have rent to pay for the next four months? Can I really afford to treat myself to something small when I have nothing to eat for lunch tomorrow? At this stage, I'm saving money for about thirty different things including necessities such as rent for the next year, bills, money to fund my masters and a future home, alongside expensive luxuries such as a holiday, a new phone and a new laptop. Not all of these things are necessary, but why should I feel guilty about wanting to experience new things and spend my money on something that will make me happy now instead of worrying about paying for some imaginary house that, let's be honest, I have no chance of owning before I'm at least 35?
Why should I feel pressured to live to and adhere to the same standard of life that my parents had when they were my age? Society is changing, and as a generation we have felt forced to change with it when we should be reacting against the pressure it places on us and how we should live our lives. Yes, we have to be sensible, but it is possible to also be spontaneous and live our best lives simultaneously, no matter how scary it may seem.
Personally I'm in no rush to grow up. The thought of progressing through my twenties with a vague idea of what I want to accomplish, but no set timeline in which I wish to accomplish it in does make my heart fall into my stomach. However I've realised it's better to take life as it comes instead of worrying yourself stupid over a life-plan that's subject to change. Our twenties should be the best time of our lives, just like they were for our parents and the generations before us, but that doesn't necessarily mean we have to all indulge in the same experiences to make this decade of our lives feel worthwhile. Do I want to get married, have a great career and have a house to call my own at some point in my life? Of course. Do I feel like I have to rush through life and tick all my boxes before I turn 25? Not necessarily.
Yes, growing up is scary. But the opinions of society and the generations before us should not dictate to us how we should or shouldn't live our lives. We need to carve out our own individual paths in life, and fuck anyone who criticises us for how we choose to live. I'll go through the motions of life at my own pace, and make sure that my twenties, no matter how daunting or scary they may seem, are filled with the best times of my life. And yes, that does include buying myself a coffee before work, watching Disney films, Netflix and chill. Take that baby boomers.
COAT - DV8 // BODYSUIT - TOPSHOP // TROUSERS - STRADIVARIUS // SHOES - PRIMARK
Do you feel like society places too much pressure and criticism on young people today? What do you hope to accomplish in your twenties? I would love to hear your thoughts!
Thanks for reading, until next time!
Rachel x
- February 03, 2018
- 16 Comments
