ADVICE FOR MY 13 YEAR OLD SELF
August 20, 2017I think it's fair to say that none of us are the same person we were at 13 years old. Yes, we may still possess certain qualities, have the same interests or have the same group of people around us today. Some of those things are definitely true for me, but in the last seven years a lot has changed. They say hindsight is a wonderful thing, and if someone had sat my 13 year old self down and helped me out with the following points, there's no telling how differently my life would have turned out. This is a post I've been focusing on, and looking forward to writing for quite some time, but for some reason I've never been able to put these words out there. However, I hope this will be a cathartic moment for myself, and for you as a reader. If you could be face to face with your younger self right now, what advice would you give them? Here's some advice from me, to my younger self.
I would also just like to note before I begin - I was definitely not 13 in the above photo. I managed to successfully erase all photographic evidence before the age of 15 / 16. But this post still stands.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAND OUT TO FIT IN
Looking back, I am filled with sadness when I think about how much time I wasted trying to stand out from my peers as much as possible. I won't apologise for being goofy, weird and fun, but there was no need to be inappropriate, rude and attention-seeking, just for a few cheap laughs or some sympathy. As you get older, approval matters less, but when you're thirteen and you imagine yourself surrounded by friends, laughing and smiling, you'll do anything to achieve that. The things you do for the sake of petty self-fulfillment, will stay with you and affect you for the rest of your life. I regularly cringe when I think back on some of the things I said and did to try and fit in. There is much more to being a teenager than popularity, and that's something you learn as you go through life.
HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA IS PETTY
When you're young, anything negative in your life feels like the end of the world. People are going to talk about you, good and bad. Gossip is spread, rumours happen and some of them can be really upsetting. When I was 13, someone made a fake Facebook account using my name and pictures, added everyone in my year and poked fun at my mental health and suicidal feelings. At the time, I was devastated and to this day, I still don't know who made it. Nowadays, it makes me laugh that someone who obviously disliked me, cared that much that they felt the need to make a profile dedicated to me, to make themselves feel better. Its sad that it happened, but it hasn't shaped who I am today. High school drama is petty and some people will never grow out of that mentality and will continue to stir up trouble. I learned the hard way to let it wash over me, and that shouldn't have had to happen.
MALE APPROVAL IS NOT EVERYTHING
One of my biggest young teenage regrets, is getting involved with boys from an early age. My boyfriend and I have been together for a very long time, but even before I met him, I was involved with a few boys that left me with negative memories and a real horrible image of my own self-worth. Don't ever allow a boy to dominate your feelings, and certainly don't live your life trying to please him and gain his affection and approval at any cost. I cringe when I look at back on how I completely changed myself around boys because I wanted them to like me. I had that cute, "girl-next-door" innocent, but flirty look about me, and I played the hell up to it because I thought that through male approval, I would feel good about myself. Instead, it had the opposite effect on me, and the boys I surrounded myself with were only after one thing. So if there were to be one warning I could give myself it would be this - please, focus on yourself, don't focus on boys who will still be bothering you years later because they think you'll come running. And trust me, that gets really old.
When you're young, anything negative in your life feels like the end of the world. People are going to talk about you, good and bad. Gossip is spread, rumours happen and some of them can be really upsetting. When I was 13, someone made a fake Facebook account using my name and pictures, added everyone in my year and poked fun at my mental health and suicidal feelings. At the time, I was devastated and to this day, I still don't know who made it. Nowadays, it makes me laugh that someone who obviously disliked me, cared that much that they felt the need to make a profile dedicated to me, to make themselves feel better. Its sad that it happened, but it hasn't shaped who I am today. High school drama is petty and some people will never grow out of that mentality and will continue to stir up trouble. I learned the hard way to let it wash over me, and that shouldn't have had to happen.
MALE APPROVAL IS NOT EVERYTHING
One of my biggest young teenage regrets, is getting involved with boys from an early age. My boyfriend and I have been together for a very long time, but even before I met him, I was involved with a few boys that left me with negative memories and a real horrible image of my own self-worth. Don't ever allow a boy to dominate your feelings, and certainly don't live your life trying to please him and gain his affection and approval at any cost. I cringe when I look at back on how I completely changed myself around boys because I wanted them to like me. I had that cute, "girl-next-door" innocent, but flirty look about me, and I played the hell up to it because I thought that through male approval, I would feel good about myself. Instead, it had the opposite effect on me, and the boys I surrounded myself with were only after one thing. So if there were to be one warning I could give myself it would be this - please, focus on yourself, don't focus on boys who will still be bothering you years later because they think you'll come running. And trust me, that gets really old.
VALUE YOUR FRIENDS
I feel really blessed to have had an amazing group of high school friends who genuinely all got on well together. We rarely had drama, and when we did we never held a grudge. They taught me the true meaning of friendship, and even though we're all doing our own thing right now, that doesn't mean we value each other any less. I wish I had realised back then how much they really do care, instead of pushing them away, taking them for granted and acting like a total ass. Your friends can only help you so much, but the rest is on you kid, and I'm sorry that I didn't realise how much pressure I put on them to hold my hand throughout everything. I could have been a better friend then, and I'm still trying to do better now, which is why its so important to value the friends you make in high school. Its tough trying to find a group of people that you actually like being around, so when you do, never take your time together for granted. You get to see your best friends every day, five days a week, and that's something to treasure.
I feel really blessed to have had an amazing group of high school friends who genuinely all got on well together. We rarely had drama, and when we did we never held a grudge. They taught me the true meaning of friendship, and even though we're all doing our own thing right now, that doesn't mean we value each other any less. I wish I had realised back then how much they really do care, instead of pushing them away, taking them for granted and acting like a total ass. Your friends can only help you so much, but the rest is on you kid, and I'm sorry that I didn't realise how much pressure I put on them to hold my hand throughout everything. I could have been a better friend then, and I'm still trying to do better now, which is why its so important to value the friends you make in high school. Its tough trying to find a group of people that you actually like being around, so when you do, never take your time together for granted. You get to see your best friends every day, five days a week, and that's something to treasure.
YOU WILL ACHIEVE AMAZING THINGS
None of us really know where our life is heading at 13, and there was a point in my life where I genuinely didn't believe that I would make it to 18. When I imagined the future, everything was dark and uncertain. I cut myself off from everything I found interesting, didn't put any work into school and I started immersing myself in destructive habits to help me get through my daily life. I didn't believe I would amount to anything, and I wish for nothing more than to have the ability to go back in time and tell myself that that definitely isn't the case. Now, when I look at everything I've managed to achieve in my life, I'm filled with pride and bewilderment. Job of my dreams? Check. Studying a course I adore and excel at? Check. Wonderful, positive people in my life that fill it with happiness? Check. If you told me at thirteen years old that I would be voted "'prom queen'" at my university formal, she would have laughed. But here I am with a new, determined outlook on life and a fancy tiara to match! Who knows what I could have achieved had I actually focused on my future and believed I could accomplish such incredible goals.
None of us really know where our life is heading at 13, and there was a point in my life where I genuinely didn't believe that I would make it to 18. When I imagined the future, everything was dark and uncertain. I cut myself off from everything I found interesting, didn't put any work into school and I started immersing myself in destructive habits to help me get through my daily life. I didn't believe I would amount to anything, and I wish for nothing more than to have the ability to go back in time and tell myself that that definitely isn't the case. Now, when I look at everything I've managed to achieve in my life, I'm filled with pride and bewilderment. Job of my dreams? Check. Studying a course I adore and excel at? Check. Wonderful, positive people in my life that fill it with happiness? Check. If you told me at thirteen years old that I would be voted "'prom queen'" at my university formal, she would have laughed. But here I am with a new, determined outlook on life and a fancy tiara to match! Who knows what I could have achieved had I actually focused on my future and believed I could accomplish such incredible goals.
KEEP READING
Following on from the above point, losing interest in my once favoured hobby has had a serious effect on me today. I do read, obviously, as an English student you can't avoid the inevitable. However, I rarely experience the same excitement in picking up a book, as I did when I was younger. Maybe that's because my brain now switches into academic analysis mode when I even so much as look at a book, but I do think it's due to abandoning my favourite hobbies in my "rebellious" years. When I was younger I could read three books in one night and stay up until the sun shone through my curtains, and now I would be lucky to even have fifteen minutes spare to read the news online. I wasted so much time on other things when I could have been appreciating a creative medium instead of embracing more destructive ones.
Following on from the above point, losing interest in my once favoured hobby has had a serious effect on me today. I do read, obviously, as an English student you can't avoid the inevitable. However, I rarely experience the same excitement in picking up a book, as I did when I was younger. Maybe that's because my brain now switches into academic analysis mode when I even so much as look at a book, but I do think it's due to abandoning my favourite hobbies in my "rebellious" years. When I was younger I could read three books in one night and stay up until the sun shone through my curtains, and now I would be lucky to even have fifteen minutes spare to read the news online. I wasted so much time on other things when I could have been appreciating a creative medium instead of embracing more destructive ones.
GET HELP BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE
"You're just hormonal," is an expression I heard all too often as a young teen, which still haunts me to this day. While that is certainly true, even at that age I was well aware of the fact I was not mentally well, but I was too afraid to seek help and treatment, so I never did. Now at 20, that phrase still weighs heavily on my shoulders and is a large contributing factor into why I have never sought professional medical help. I wish I could give my younger self that little extra push to antagonise, push and seek help, because now I feel like it's too late. Despite everyone around me clearly being able to see when I'm "not well," not being listened to at 13 forced me into lots of horrible situations that still upset me today, and that's a huge contributing factor to who I am at this present moment. So please, I encourage any of you who are struggling to seek help, and refuse to be silenced, before you end up like me.
"You're just hormonal," is an expression I heard all too often as a young teen, which still haunts me to this day. While that is certainly true, even at that age I was well aware of the fact I was not mentally well, but I was too afraid to seek help and treatment, so I never did. Now at 20, that phrase still weighs heavily on my shoulders and is a large contributing factor into why I have never sought professional medical help. I wish I could give my younger self that little extra push to antagonise, push and seek help, because now I feel like it's too late. Despite everyone around me clearly being able to see when I'm "not well," not being listened to at 13 forced me into lots of horrible situations that still upset me today, and that's a huge contributing factor to who I am at this present moment. So please, I encourage any of you who are struggling to seek help, and refuse to be silenced, before you end up like me.
SPEND TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY
In my quest for independence, and as a knock on effect of the above point, I cut myself off from a lot of my family when I was younger. Even to this day, due to different factors, I'm only able to make the occasional visit to my grandparents and extended family. Getting older is scary, and this year I've become all too aware of the importance of family. I wish I had more wonderful memories with them because who knows how long we all have left with each other. I hate that I allowed these relationships to crumble and pretty much disintegrate, and if I could go back and make more of an effort with the most important people in my life, you best believe I would do so in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, I have to make up for everything now, when time keeps passing by and everyday you prepare for bad news.
I want to finish this post by emphasising a point I made earlier. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and it's taken all of these different experiences to make me realise my own value and that of the people around me. If I could tell my 13 year old self, what the me of today has experienced, who knows what type of person I would be right now. This post has been bittersweet, as while I am grateful that these experiences have shaped me into who I am today, I'm filled with regret and upset that I had to experience them - some through my own doing. Part of becoming an adult is accepting yourself for who you are and forgiving your past self for what they went through to help you get to this point. Although we may cringe at some of our past actions, we should never feel embarrassed of who we once were. Every day we grow and develop, and despite my regrets and upsets, I wouldn't have lived my life in any other way.
Thank you for reading the rambles and thoughts I've built up over the last seven years, I hope you enjoyed!
Until next time,
Rachel
In my quest for independence, and as a knock on effect of the above point, I cut myself off from a lot of my family when I was younger. Even to this day, due to different factors, I'm only able to make the occasional visit to my grandparents and extended family. Getting older is scary, and this year I've become all too aware of the importance of family. I wish I had more wonderful memories with them because who knows how long we all have left with each other. I hate that I allowed these relationships to crumble and pretty much disintegrate, and if I could go back and make more of an effort with the most important people in my life, you best believe I would do so in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, I have to make up for everything now, when time keeps passing by and everyday you prepare for bad news.
I want to finish this post by emphasising a point I made earlier. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and it's taken all of these different experiences to make me realise my own value and that of the people around me. If I could tell my 13 year old self, what the me of today has experienced, who knows what type of person I would be right now. This post has been bittersweet, as while I am grateful that these experiences have shaped me into who I am today, I'm filled with regret and upset that I had to experience them - some through my own doing. Part of becoming an adult is accepting yourself for who you are and forgiving your past self for what they went through to help you get to this point. Although we may cringe at some of our past actions, we should never feel embarrassed of who we once were. Every day we grow and develop, and despite my regrets and upsets, I wouldn't have lived my life in any other way.
Thank you for reading the rambles and thoughts I've built up over the last seven years, I hope you enjoyed!
Until next time,
Rachel
2 comments
This is such an amazing and well written post, you absolute gem ❤️ Related from the very first line - I am a completely different person to the one I was at 13, 18, even 21...it's incredible how we grow and learn as we get older. The male approval one; oh god. I wasn't really properly involved with boys from a young age but that was almost the problem, I spent so much time worrying about not having a boyfriend and why didn't anyone fancy me and at the time it felt like such a big deal but looking back it seems utterly bizarre. Hindsight is a wonderful thing xxx
ReplyDeleteSophie | Sophar So Good
Thank you Sophie, your words mean the world to me! It's crazy to look back on the insignificant things we used to worry about at that age, and it just makes you think how different life could have been if we weren't so wrapped up in those things! x
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