Two weeks ago, my boyfriend and I celebrated our 7th anniversary. We've been together from the tender age of 13, and minus one wobble early in our relationship, we have gone from strength to strength year in, year out. We couldn't be more diametrically opposed if we tried; he's the calm to my extreme, he's tall, built and casually dressed, and I always make an effort to make up for my tiny frame. No-one ever thought we'd work, let alone still be together years on - and not many people our age can say they've been in such a long-term relationship. That's not to say that it comes without its difficulties. It's in our nature to conjure up preconceived notions about individuals, relationships and assume that we know better than those involved. We've all done it. So today, I thought I'd share some of the expectations we've encountered during our relationship, and the reality of being two, lazy 20-somethings, who are just taking it day by day.
YOU MUST HAVE YOUR LIFE PLANNED TOGETHER
Expectation: When you've been together for so long, you obviously have an idea of where you want your life to be. You set goals, expectations about marriage, kids, retirement - and you've probably even planned the business venture that's going to make you famous together. You're constantly subjected to a barrage of questions: "So when are you getting engaged?" "When are you moving in together?" So if you don't know what you're doing, why are you even together?
Reality: Of course, my boyfriend and I wouldn't still be together, if we didn't believe we would be together in the near and distant future. But that doesn't mean we have every detail of our lives meticulously planned and set out. We're both 21, so still relatively young in the world, and we're only just discovering where we fit in. There shouldn't be so much pressure to take the next step, just because we've been together for a certain length of time. We take each day as it comes, and most nights it's a struggle to even decide what to make for dinner, or whether or not we can actually afford to order a takeaway. There's nothing wrong with taking it easy and doing what feels right with each other, irrespective of what others think you should do.
YOU GET TOO COMFORTABLE
Expectation: When you're in the early stages of a relationship, there's a lot of emphasis on making yourself look physically attractive to your partner. You want to feel that electricity between each other that could potentially blossom into something more permanent. But when you achieve that level of commitment, you start to lose interest in each other. You let yourself go, and the spark fizzles out.
Reality: On our very first date, my boyfriend and I went to KFC (yes, I know, romance at it's height. But when you're 13 with no disposable income except the bank of Dad, you live within your means, alright??). He felt too self-conscious to eat in front of me, whilst on the other hand, I tucked into a mini fillet burger with lettuce and mayo, popcorn chicken, fries and a tub of gravy all to myself. So as you can see, we set the bar very high right from the beginning of our relationship. Comfort in a relationship is inevitable, and in my opinion, it's essential to making a relationship last. That doesn't necessarily mean that you have to live your lives in matching sweats, eating takeaways and watching reruns of The Chase every night, and then heading to bed and falling asleep straight away. Of course, it becomes the norm to discuss the frequency of each other's farts, and whether or not that poo you just did is normal. But to really maintain that spark, keep it playful, spontaneous and light, and always plan fancy nights out where you can get dressed to the nines, a little bit tipsy and enjoy each others company too.
YOU GROW APART
Expectation: Not everyone who gets together at a young age, stays together. When you're younger, you think you know exactly who you are and what you want from life, but as you get older, you realise that isn't the case. You become two different people, and it's inevitable that as you change, you'll start to grow apart.
Reality: If you're truly committed to each other, you don't grow apart - you grow together. This applies as a couple and as an individual. Neither myself, nor my boyfriend, are the same people we were when we first met seven years ago, in both looks and in personality. But that doesn't mean that we love each other any less. You learn to adapt to who they are, and embrace their quirks, flaws and imperfections. Being open, honest and communicating with each other ensures that both of you know where you stand at all times, and if one of you feels as though you're drifting apart, the other can support you and helped figure out if it's just a blip, or if there's something deeper happening.
YOU'LL GET TIRED OF EACH OTHER
Expectation: When you're around each other all the time, surely you get a little bored of each other? There's a constant fear of running out of things to say, getting tired of talking about their hobbies, and doing the same thing every day. There are more exciting things in life.
Reality: A relationship involves two people, but both persons are important as individuals too, which is why my boyfriend and I lead quite different lives. We have different priorities within our lives, and different goals we want to achieve, but that doesn't mean we can't achieve them side by side. If anything, living my life to the full as an individual, only strengthens how I feel about my other half. I can talk for Ireland, but that doesn't mean that if a silence descends it's uncomfortable. If you truly feel like you are becoming tired of each other, it could be a sign that there's something else going on between you, and you need to always remember to consider your own feelings, and prioritise what you want.
EVERYTHING IS PERFECT 24/7
Expectation: If you're still together after all these years, then that must mean that you haven't encountered any real problems together. When everything is perfect every second of the day, then you aren't really experiencing the trials and tribulations of a relationship.
Reality: I know that throughout this post I've made it sound as though we have long-term relationships down to a fine art. Of course, everything I've mentioned are things that we should, and do, think about in our relationship: but that doesn't mean we're good at discussing them all the time! We're young, and obviously we're still learning and growing within ourselves, which can only come as the result of confronting our issues and being open about how we feel. That doesn't mean that everything is rosy every single day, but it ensures that we're both on the same page when something starts to creep in and affect us. But like I said, this doesn't happen all the time!
Long-term relationships won't happen with every partner you have. It's important be realistic, and recognise what you want, and accept when a relationship is changing and becoming too toxic to carry on. I feel truly blessed and excited about the fact that I've met the person I want to be with so early in my life, because it means that we can fill the next years of our lives with so many memories and adventures together, and on our own. We share experiences, stories and our lives with each other, and although we still have a lot of growing up to do, we can do it together. Life may be short, but there are many years in front of us, so never feel like you have to rush into anything. Take it slow, think about what you want and always keep your reality separate from other people expectations. After all, you're the two people in your relationship. What you choose to tell others is your business, not theirs!
I hope you enjoyed reading!
Until next time,
YOU MUST HAVE YOUR LIFE PLANNED TOGETHER
Expectation: When you've been together for so long, you obviously have an idea of where you want your life to be. You set goals, expectations about marriage, kids, retirement - and you've probably even planned the business venture that's going to make you famous together. You're constantly subjected to a barrage of questions: "So when are you getting engaged?" "When are you moving in together?" So if you don't know what you're doing, why are you even together?
Reality: Of course, my boyfriend and I wouldn't still be together, if we didn't believe we would be together in the near and distant future. But that doesn't mean we have every detail of our lives meticulously planned and set out. We're both 21, so still relatively young in the world, and we're only just discovering where we fit in. There shouldn't be so much pressure to take the next step, just because we've been together for a certain length of time. We take each day as it comes, and most nights it's a struggle to even decide what to make for dinner, or whether or not we can actually afford to order a takeaway. There's nothing wrong with taking it easy and doing what feels right with each other, irrespective of what others think you should do.
YOU GET TOO COMFORTABLE
Expectation: When you're in the early stages of a relationship, there's a lot of emphasis on making yourself look physically attractive to your partner. You want to feel that electricity between each other that could potentially blossom into something more permanent. But when you achieve that level of commitment, you start to lose interest in each other. You let yourself go, and the spark fizzles out.
Reality: On our very first date, my boyfriend and I went to KFC (yes, I know, romance at it's height. But when you're 13 with no disposable income except the bank of Dad, you live within your means, alright??). He felt too self-conscious to eat in front of me, whilst on the other hand, I tucked into a mini fillet burger with lettuce and mayo, popcorn chicken, fries and a tub of gravy all to myself. So as you can see, we set the bar very high right from the beginning of our relationship. Comfort in a relationship is inevitable, and in my opinion, it's essential to making a relationship last. That doesn't necessarily mean that you have to live your lives in matching sweats, eating takeaways and watching reruns of The Chase every night, and then heading to bed and falling asleep straight away. Of course, it becomes the norm to discuss the frequency of each other's farts, and whether or not that poo you just did is normal. But to really maintain that spark, keep it playful, spontaneous and light, and always plan fancy nights out where you can get dressed to the nines, a little bit tipsy and enjoy each others company too.
YOU GROW APART
Expectation: Not everyone who gets together at a young age, stays together. When you're younger, you think you know exactly who you are and what you want from life, but as you get older, you realise that isn't the case. You become two different people, and it's inevitable that as you change, you'll start to grow apart.
Reality: If you're truly committed to each other, you don't grow apart - you grow together. This applies as a couple and as an individual. Neither myself, nor my boyfriend, are the same people we were when we first met seven years ago, in both looks and in personality. But that doesn't mean that we love each other any less. You learn to adapt to who they are, and embrace their quirks, flaws and imperfections. Being open, honest and communicating with each other ensures that both of you know where you stand at all times, and if one of you feels as though you're drifting apart, the other can support you and helped figure out if it's just a blip, or if there's something deeper happening.
YOU'LL GET TIRED OF EACH OTHER
Expectation: When you're around each other all the time, surely you get a little bored of each other? There's a constant fear of running out of things to say, getting tired of talking about their hobbies, and doing the same thing every day. There are more exciting things in life.
Reality: A relationship involves two people, but both persons are important as individuals too, which is why my boyfriend and I lead quite different lives. We have different priorities within our lives, and different goals we want to achieve, but that doesn't mean we can't achieve them side by side. If anything, living my life to the full as an individual, only strengthens how I feel about my other half. I can talk for Ireland, but that doesn't mean that if a silence descends it's uncomfortable. If you truly feel like you are becoming tired of each other, it could be a sign that there's something else going on between you, and you need to always remember to consider your own feelings, and prioritise what you want.
EVERYTHING IS PERFECT 24/7
Expectation: If you're still together after all these years, then that must mean that you haven't encountered any real problems together. When everything is perfect every second of the day, then you aren't really experiencing the trials and tribulations of a relationship.
Reality: I know that throughout this post I've made it sound as though we have long-term relationships down to a fine art. Of course, everything I've mentioned are things that we should, and do, think about in our relationship: but that doesn't mean we're good at discussing them all the time! We're young, and obviously we're still learning and growing within ourselves, which can only come as the result of confronting our issues and being open about how we feel. That doesn't mean that everything is rosy every single day, but it ensures that we're both on the same page when something starts to creep in and affect us. But like I said, this doesn't happen all the time!
Long-term relationships won't happen with every partner you have. It's important be realistic, and recognise what you want, and accept when a relationship is changing and becoming too toxic to carry on. I feel truly blessed and excited about the fact that I've met the person I want to be with so early in my life, because it means that we can fill the next years of our lives with so many memories and adventures together, and on our own. We share experiences, stories and our lives with each other, and although we still have a lot of growing up to do, we can do it together. Life may be short, but there are many years in front of us, so never feel like you have to rush into anything. Take it slow, think about what you want and always keep your reality separate from other people expectations. After all, you're the two people in your relationship. What you choose to tell others is your business, not theirs!
I hope you enjoyed reading!
Until next time,
- June 30, 2018
- 5 Comments
